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[Jul. 17th, 2007|11:01 pm] |
The Necklace
The cheerful little girl with bouncy golden curls was almost five. Waiting with her mother at the checkout stand, she saw them, a circle of glistening white pearls in a pink foil box.
"Oh mommy please, Mommy. Can I have them? Please, Mommy, please?"
Quickly the mother checked the back of the little foil box and then looked back into the pleading blue eyes of her little girl's upturned face. "A dollar ninety-five. That's almost $2.00. If you really want them, I'll think of some extra chores for you and in no time you can save enough money to buy them for yourself. Your birthday's only a week away and you might get another crisp dollar bill from Grandma."
As soon as Jenny got home, she emptied her penny bank and counted out 17 pennies.
After dinner, she did more than her share of chores and she went to the neighbor and asked Mrs. McJames if she could pick dandelions for ten cents.
On her birthday, Grandma did give her another new dollar bill and at last she
had enough money to buy the necklace.
Jenny loved her pearls. They made her feel dressed up and grown up. She wore them everywhere, Sunday school, kindergarten, even to bed. The only time she took them off was when she went swimming or had a bubble bath. Mother said if they got wet, they might turn her neck green.
Jenny had a very loving daddy and every night when she was ready for bed, he would stop whatever he was doing and come upstairs to read her a story. One night as he finished the story, he asked Jenny, "Do you love me?"
"Oh yes, daddy. You know that I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
"Oh, daddy, not my pearls. But you can have Princess, the white horse from my collection, the one with the pink tail. Remember, daddy? The one you gave me. She's my very favorite."
"That's okay, Honey, daddy loves you. Good night." And he brushed her cheek with a kiss.
About a week later, after the story time, Jenny's daddy asked again, "Do you love me?"
"Daddy, you know I love you."
"Then give me your pearls."
But "Oh Daddy, not my pearls. But you can have my baby doll. The brand new one I got for my birthday. She is beautiful and you can have the yellow blanket that matches her sleeper."
"That's okay. Sleep well. God bless you, little one. Daddy loves you." And as always, he brushed her cheek with a gentle kiss.
A few nights later when her daddy came in, Jenny was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed Indian style.
As he came close, he noticed her chin was trembling and one silent tear rolled down her cheek.
"What is it, Jenny? What's the matter?"
Jenny didn't say anything but lifted her little hand up to her daddy. And when she opened it, there was her little pearl necklace. With a little quiver, she finally said, "Here, daddy; this is for you."
With tears gathering in his own eyes, Jenny's daddy reached out with one hand to take the dime store necklace, and with the other hand he reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue velvet case with a strand of genuine pearls and gave them to Jenny.
He had them all the time. He was just waiting for her to give up the dime-store stuff so he could give her the genuine treasure.
So it is, with our Heavenly Father. He is waiting for us to give up the cheap things in our lives so that he can give us beautiful treasures.
Isn't God good? Are you holding onto things that God wants you to let go of? Are you holding on to harmful or unnecessary partner relationships, habits and activities that you have come so attached to that it seems impossible to let go? Sometimes it is so hard to see what is in the other hand but do believe this one thing.
God will never take away something without giving you something better in its place. |
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| eight; pretty baby, i have been saving smiles for you |
[Jun. 13th, 2007|10:29 pm] |
haha okay so i haven't touched this place forever. anyway i went to the wards at tan tock seng yesterday with liting, we did it during lunch time! (i'm working there now, work attachment!) and most of the patients were really old. like literally these bag of bones lying on the bed. and somehow my heart went out to them! :( it's really sad.
i mean all you can do is lie in bed the whole day, with tubes attached all over you, and sometimes you even need this oxygen mask to breathe! really like what you see in tv shows! haha oops, it was the first time i really ever stepped into a hospital ward. what's the meaning of life, if all you do is stay in bed in one position all day long and just wait for your meals, medication, and bed time. and if you're lucky, maybe you'll have visitors. some of them are so lonely! :( and when we walked past i saw one old lady look at us with the pitiful look. if i were her i would be dying to jump off my bed and just run around like a mad person already.
i think people who are depressed, or angsty should really go take a look at the people in these wards. those people are REALLY living without a purpose or meaning yet they're still fighting on and yeah fighting to see the next day! they don't have a choice but WE DO and we can make something out of our lives. to them, time is probably like a ticking bomb, every single second counts, every single minute they are alive?
they are so damn pitiful! :(
if i were their doctor i would go all out to get them running all over the place again. okay maybe not running, but at least feel GOOD! and maybe make them feel better by talking to them and stuff. but language and dialects is definitely a barrier. pooooooooooo. damn poor thing la! and i think medicine is a very meaningful profession to branch into, seriously. |
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| seven; now every stranger you meet could be me |
[Feb. 7th, 2007|09:48 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Five For Fighting- The Riddle | ] |
sometimes.
sometimes, i wish that i had someone close to me that wouldn't disappoint me all the time.
sometimes, i wish i had a sister/nicer sibling that i could be close to and share stuff with, do things with, teach me stuff, and like, influence me in some way and no matter who does any shit i'll always have her/him.
sometimes, just sometimes, i feel so empty inside, because it seems that i have many friends yet no friends at the same time. like, its so easy to be abandoned/left out/ everyone just thinks for themselves or are just caught up with their own lives.
sometimes, i wish i had someone who appreciated me enough to treat me like a queen or something.
sometimes, i wish i knew how to let go and be released of your spell.
sometimes, it'd be nice to know that people actually look forward/like having you in their life.
sometimes, i wish my mummy had more time for me or something. or that she'd be less busy and go shopping with me or bring me out to have meals with me.
sometimes, i wish people would bring me out to have fun. because life is so damn gay now.
sometimes, i really hate you so much. and sometimes i try too hard. sometimes it makes me want to give up. sometimes i wanna be so mean to you.
sometimes, just sometimes, i get hurt by you and i learn to get used to it but it doesn't change the fact that your mean-ness still hurts.
sometimes, i hate it that you don't care.
sometimes, i wish i knew more people/were more outgoing or stuff like that or could open up easily to people.
sometimes, i want to be surprised. sometimes, i don't want to be the one initiating and ending up like a loser.
sometimes, i think what we have is so superficial.
sometimes, i shouldn't be wasting my time like that and should be doing work. and sleeping early.
sometimes, vday means nothing.
and for now, i'm still feeling so sore about today. you sorta ruined my day, you never fail to do so, oh, let me count the ways. but this week is still good, maybe it would've been perfect if i didn't have my hopes/expectations so high for you to fuck them around. nvm, its still a perfect week. :)
love me for a reason; let the reason be love.
why won't you stop all these sometimes? |
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| six; cause i don't know how to make this feeling stop |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|07:23 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Jesse McCartney- Just So You Know | ] |
i think life is full of surprises. like how when i thought i was getting better yesterday, packed my bag for school and all, i ended up waking up at 4 coughing till i couldn't breathe properly. so i had to go see a doctor and all at 4 am, and i feel guilty cause it cost my parents a bomb. and now he even gave me ventolin to clear the airway and stuff. and my mummy thinks its serious because i have a 3 day mc. life's so fragile + unpredictable, huh. that's why they say live every day to your fullest and happiest. don't harp on bad times and hard feelings. so that even if you knew you had 3 months or 1 week to live, you wouldn't live that period of time in regret. regret, as i once heard, is one of the worst feelings anyone can get.
i have like slight pneunomia/bronchitis. means my lungs are congested! means i should have stayed at home to really rest and not go for trng etc etc.now the virus attacked my lungs. bleeeaah. so all i've been doing the whole day is rest, rest, tv, sleep, eat, take medicine, sleep etc. i miss school and miss my many sunshines too. school used to be a form of escapicism for me because i was kept busy and happy there. :) and somehow i don't want to think about math test because i feel enervated and i don't have the single bit of energy to really do work now.
i keep posting in this blog because i don't even want to rant and show this to you. and because i've lied around at home coughing till my stomach hurt and coughing till i'm too tired to go up the stairs, i also thought a lot. like if i really died someday or i don't know and when i really needed you, you wouldn't be there for me. and because its no longer the same, you would be able to move on wouldn't you. i mean, no one is indispensible, the world is so huge, even without one small little person in the world, it would still go on rotating. you would move on. you would, regardless of what you've said/been saying. everyone would, i guess, it just takes time, that's what you said once as well. maybe what we have is too superficial. or at least that is what seems to me. and i am tired of getting disappointed.
and hey you know what? i'm letting go of you. seriously. holding on by letting go of you? that's not going to work. i can't hold on. its too difficult. i'm so disappointed in what we've become. the urge to talk to you, the wanting to talk to you. hey, what for? you don't really seem to know what i've become/what i want. i'm leaving you free. it's best for you. you might be imperfect but i never bothered about the flaws and mistakes etc. but now, i don't want it to be you who makes me want to cry, making me realise i actually have no one. to make me feel so alone. no, i won't allow it. not you.so i guess this is goodbye.from tomorrow onwards, there will be this detachment from you. there is already this distance/drifting, i guess. you're not worth it. i'm not worth it either. all i want, is simply just to be really happy, is it that hard? so yes, from tomorrow onwards, i'm living this life for myself. and i'm going to get well for myself. and i'm going to live a good life with no regrets at all. because i know i'm strong and i have God with me. (: |
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| five; take back now, my life you're stealing. |
[Jan. 6th, 2007|11:59 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | All American Rejects- Straightjacket Feeling | ] |
because i have no one to rant to properly or no one to make me feel better, i am going to rant here. i am supposed to be a happier person this year. i think it would have been possible if my sickness wasn't making me so irritated. i mean, who falls sick right at the start of the year? and i feel so incomplete in a way. see this sickness is ruining my mood, ruining my life and ruining my near-approaching-birthday. and yet i am still being stubborn and staying up to complain here. eeee. my temp is 38.8 maybe that is why i am so cranky. i want to go to church tomorrow still. means i have to wake up early if my dad doesn't want to send me. and maybe i will be sicker cause of lack of sleep. and i have a math test next week i can't even revise properly for the numbers are all over the place. and if i don't go church tmr i won't get the chance to go so much when homework etc kicks in. and no matter how much i want to go for training i can't.
on the other hand, i am confused. when talking to you1 didn't work, i felt maybe talking to you2 might work. and you2 actually appeared when i was thinking of that. now i don't know what to think. and honestly, ranting to you2 does help. and as for you1, everytime i talk to you1 i keep getting more and more disappointed and tired and less hopeful. like maybe you1're not who i used to need to talk to, or maybe its that i need to talk to you1 but we just can't. and i don't want to be feeling like this:
yesterday was over
today i'm fine without you
run away this time without you
and all i ever thought you'd be
that face is tearing holes in me
so won't you1 go ahead and prove me wrong?
dear god,
i place all my hope and faith in You.
and i know i will get well soon enough
and that You will help me to stop feeling so crappy because of my illness. |
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| four; and it's so close but we're so far away |
[Dec. 28th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Snow Patrol- Chocolate | ] |
today is babex's birthday! wheeee. happy birthday, you! i hope you had a blast today, birthday's are meant to be happy and special. (:
courage. i admire people with courage. and i think the human spirit is admirable. like the 911 incident. those firefighters that braved the fire and bore with the fear of going in to the burning building. heartwrenching.
it must have really taken a lot of mental power and bravery to really dash into the scene and rescue other people that they don't even know. like probably their minds would have been blank. i wonder what they were thinking. what were they thinking, that would make them dash into the building time and again to bring people out, not knowing if they were going to make it out alive.
maybe death isn't scary for them. or maybe it's just the passion for their job. or even love for their fellow countrymen, fellow people.
it takes a lot of courage, i feel.
i really respect these people. :) |
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| three: i'm bringin' sexy back |
[Dec. 22nd, 2006|02:12 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Justin Timberlake- Sexyback | ] |
okay so it is like 213 am and i am soo sleepy my sleeping hours have been really warped and i haven't put on my night lenses for a considerable number of days so uh my eyes are really puffy+tired+heavy and i need to hit the pillows soon.
i need to blog about couage and the human spirit.
maybe i will do that in my other blog and i feel like ranting. because i cannot tell people stuff to their face. but if i don't the meanie monster in me is going to explode and then my wrath will be terrible.
is it worth it at all?
what happens when someone who means too much to you fails to realise and treasure how special they are?
bleah goodnight! and for one thing, honesty and truth means so much to me because i don't like lies. but we live in a world of deceit, no matter what. but still, i just wish you wouldn't bluff/ hide anything me. because till today, i find it hard and struggling to trust you and take you for each word you say. but then again, truth hurts. not finding out the truth, but running away from the truth. |
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| two: in your eyes i see a darkness that torments you |
[Dec. 20th, 2006|07:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Boys Like Girls- Thunder | ] |
you know what i like about blogsurfing? :)
1) it keeps you entertained when you're bored.
2) sometimes you want to say stuff or tell people how you're feeling but you can never find the right words. but after reading some people's blogs, you're like "aha. that's exactly what i feel/what i wanted to say but never could express myself." so in a way, you won't feel so alone because hey, there are people out there who feel the same way as you do and they know how to go about fitting the right descriptions to it.
3)you kind of know what's going on in people's lives and if you read something touching or sweet messages directed to you, it just puts a smile on your face.
4) (when you are slacking and you find out that other people have been rotting/slacking just like you have), YOU WONT FEEL SO GUILTY ANYMORE! hah.
5) sometimes blogs convey certain thoughts people have but can't tell anyone directly. so when they're sad you can still console them after reading their blogs, rather than them bottling it all up.
6) sometimes you can pick up people's style of blogging. and maybe even learn new words ahaha. :D
but there is one thing i don't really understand. why do people create blogs and then abandon them? or like take forever to post an entry. those that are really busy are definitely excused, but what about those who never ever blog about their thoughts and happenings in their lives? then you'd never be able to understand and connect with them. blogs without updates are just like uhh. i dunno stagnant, still water. frustrating, to some extent actually. |
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| one: say goodnight and go |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|11:41 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | The Veronicas- I Could Get Used To This | ] |
hello livejournal! :D this is quite fun. and i guess lj will entertain me for awhile. and best of all this can be my secret hidden blog until you discover it! but i don't really need a secret blog because blogger beta allows me to filter who visits my blog anyway.and i finally decided to touch this place after having created it since eons ago. and i am an LJ noob because i don't know how this place works at all. blogger is still user friendly for noob people like me. rocks to omi my LJ tutor! :)
anyway saw this in I Not Stupid Too last night and i think its pretty cool.
FAMILY= Father And Mother I Love You
maybe i shall use this blog to publish interesting stories that are worth remembering. :) so when i have kids in the future i will never run out of fascinating stories to tell them.
A speaker once started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands shot up instantly.
He then said, "I'm am going to give this bill to one of you. But first, let me do this." He then proceeded to crush the $20 bill in his hand, until it was all crumpled into a ball.
He then asked, "Who still wants this bill?" Still, hands remained in the air.
"Well then," he replied, "What if i do this?" And he dropped the bill on the ground and started to grind it against the floor with the base of his shoe.
He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now, do you people still want this bill?" Still, no one put their hands down.
"My friends, you all have just learnt a valuable lesson." he said, "No matter how i tampered with and dirtied the money, everyone of you still wanted it because it did not decrease in its value. No matter how its physical appearance changed, it was still worth $20."
Moral of the story: Many times in our lives, we experience setbacks and failures, we are put down and despised by people around us, we feel low and down in the dumps, and unworthy of respect. We make certain decisions and suffer certain consequences. Just like the $20 bill, no matter what glitches we face, no matter how worthless we feel, we all have our value and worth, everyone is special in their own way, so we should continue to believe in ourself and our worth even though others may fail to realise it. :)
haha okay. tired. toodles! :) |
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